US 1 – Grandpa Tales or Cute Little Jugs of Genes

As I said I am a native born Bloke – I am British and Yank raised American. I lived in England (Birmingham, Warwickshire) for four years before I came to America – and I have lived here for the better part of my life ever since. But I am profoundly proud of my British ancestry, but as such I am prey to the consequences of one of the most confused gene pools that has ever existed.

Name an a white ethic group with peculiarities and I got em –

As I understand it the indigenous people, the first, of the Britons were called the Fairy People. Legend has it they fell to earth right at the time that Lucifer, the devil, was cast out of heaven. They were attracted by the dazzle of Satan’s light and sparks and tumbled out in the confusion to the earth. They were small, “little people” and they had dark hair and were still filled with the magic of heaven. The Fairies dwelt in the isles of Britain till the Celts, a rough and tumbled lot lambasted their way in and pushed the tiny folk into the forest – where they would become the Leprechauns, Sprites, Wood Nymphs, Ladies of the Lake, Wizards and Bards, etc. So the first ingredient of our British Gene Pool is light, magic and wonder. Hobbits and Elves and Aragorn are our relatives – maybe.

Now the Celts they were infected with what our German relatives would call “Wanderlust” – the compulsion to move to the next horizon, kind of Gypsies. They had a maddening impulse “to check the grass.” Sound familiar.

And Boy, did they wander. Check it out –

Distribution of Celtic peoples: • Yellow – core Hallstatt territory, by the sixth century BC – Lehi’s Time.

• Light Green – maximal Celtic expansion, by the third century BC.
• Darker Green – Lusitanian area of Iberia where Celtic presence is uncertain.
• Darker Still Green – the “six Celtic nations” which retained significant numbers of Celtic speakers into the Early Modern period – For our purpose it the Irish, Scots and Welsh.
• Darkest Green – areas where Celtic languages remain widely spoken today.

The Celts are great Artists, Musicians and tell great stories and sing songs that can melt your heart. Think Enya and Riverdance.

They only made one artistic mistake – Bagpipes.

Do you know why the man playing the bagpipes is always moving? He is trying to get away from the noise.

Now the Celts made another mistake, and that was, they didn’t keep any preservable written record of who they were or where they came from. So they left a lot of interesting things that we are still trying to explain – You might try this website to learn more about how they lived and why they seemed to have thrown so much stuff into bogs – http://www.bbc.co.uk/wales/celts/ activities/roundhouse.shtml Take your kids.

The beginnings of the Celts are as almost as allusive as the Fairy People. The Greeks called them the Keltoi and the Romans called them the Galli or Gauls and they would eventually fall under the title Barbarians. The Romans thought that their language sounded like “Bar Bar.” And over time this word has come to mean primitive, but the Celts were anything, but primitive. They were ferrous fighters they would attack you naked and fight like mad men. But there was no question about their brave hearts (think Mel Gibson) and they were respected by both the Greeks and the Romans as this ancient sculpture of a dying Celt warrior portrays –

Now let’s get back to the Celts in Britain or as one early historian – Jeanette of the house of Rowsell called them the Englandoniers.

The Romans wanted control of the Britons/Celts and they send there best man, they knew he was the best, because he had told them. In 55 BC Julius Caesar with 10,000 of the best fighters in the world took the beaches of Kent and waited for the Calvary which, fortunately for our kin, were caught in a channel storm off the coast of Gaul – France. Julie wasn’t happy and left with his “knickers in a twist” – an ancient Celtic phrased meaning pissed, I am sorry, really mad.

He had another go in 54 BC (Remember we are going backwards 4,000 BC to 0 AD, so this is 54 years before Jesus is born), this time with 27,000 troops and calvary. He was having the Celts for lunch until the French (Gaul our relatives) started acting up,
remember they are another group of Celts, Gauls and Keltoi.

Julius went over to France and he did defeat the Gaul army, achieve his, needed, immortal fame and then went home to cross the Rubicon (A River border) and become the latest dictator (for life -Actually A Few weeks, 1st January to 15th March) and then he got knifed a lot of times in 44 BC. Roman trade and influence was established in Southern Britain, but it would be about a hundred years before the Roman could claim conquering the Celts, at least in the South between 43 and 47 AD, Jesus died about 33 AD, so ten years later.

They build London and its famous bridge that kept falling down and Rome started building forts, walls, roads and Baths.

Alliances were established between the different tribes and things went reasonably well till 60 AD when some roman dullard overreached and offended Boudicca (pronounced – Bow – dee – kah) Queen of the Iceni Tribe. We won’t go into the details, but they pushed her to a “Popeye Moment” – (that’s all I can stand, I can’t stands no more!). and Boudee went at them. She was tall, Red Haired which hung to to her hips and she was loaded with “issues” (think a full grown Sarah or Audrey, with a generous portion of Annie and a pinch of Kayla and Sadie).

She was literally “hell on wheels.” She began burning the Roman garrison and kicking Italian butt, and Rome was having some real “ouch” moments when they finally got themselves rallied and defeated the Boudee led Celts and our Red Haired Zena realizing it was “over” poisoned herself and became the symbol of British resistance to all forms of tyranny. It just might be that a memory of Boudee triggered Winston Churchill into motivating Britain “Finest Hour” 1900 years later.

This is Britannia the symbol of Britain today. Does it remind you of Boudicca?

Now back to the Gene Pool. We got Fairy People, Celts and Italians, but don’t forget the Barbarians who are trouble causing Celts in other places. The “Bar Bars” would eventually overwhelm Rome and so the Roman people called the Legions home to deal with these guys finally in 410 AD.

Now this let the Endlandoniers fall back into tribal factions. Each tribe had its own tribal leader or king. They needed another King of Kings and legend said they got this guy – Arthur King of the Brits.

You know the classic story.

You have seen “The Sword and the Stone.

This is one of the greatest stories of all times and it has been done over and over by several Celtic cultures – T. H. White’s The Once and Future King and Marion Zimmer Bradley’s The Mists of Avalon are two modern examples. The first book is a classic telling and the second is a feminist revisionist spin, but both add something to the mythic mix. The truth is we Celt’s love it (Like Spam) and everyone from Alfred Lord Tennyson to Monty Python have had a go at telling it and each contributor has added something to the Arthurian soup. Ask Grandpa and he will play you the Celtic Spam Song.

Arthur’s final battle with Modred (His Evil Son) King Arthur, Gweniveire, Merlin and Lancelot provided something to our Gene Pool Explore with a segue from the departure of the Romans to the invasion of the Anglo Saxons – the Germans ( Angles, Saxons and Jutes).

The stories of King Arthur, which are found in all Celtic cultures – German, Norman and Britons is the mythic land bridge between the Romans and Anglo Saxons. This period, of several hundred years, is referenced by the Venerable Bede, who is considered the Great historian of the the Brits.

He was a monk and scholar in everything, but is best know for his An Ecclesiastical History of the English People which was completed in 731 AD. The Bede History starts with Caesar’s attempt to defeat the Celts in 53 BC, carries on right through the introduction of Christianity in 63 AD, 30 years after Jesus was resurrected, by Joseph of Arimathea (yep, the guy that help Mary bring Jesus down from the cross and brought the Holy Grail to England),

The Bede tells how Saint Patrick’s Celtic Church was founded in about 430 AD. He brought Christianity to Ireland – the super Celts.

Saint Patrick had a dream after he escaped from Ireland where he had been a slave sheepherder. Safely home, he recounted his dream this way – “I saw a man coming, as it were from Ireland. His name was Victoricus, and he carried many letters, and he gave me one of them. I read the heading: “The Voice of the Irish”. As I began the letter, I imagined in that moment that I heard the voice of those very people who were near the wood of Foclut, which is beside the western sea—and they cried out, as with one voice: “We appeal to you, holy servant boy, to come and walk among us.”

Saint Patrick, responded to the dream, he trained in the Church and did go back and established Christianity Irish style in Ireland, but the Celtic Brand of Christianity that he established would conflict with the Catholic Version until the council of Whitby in 664 AD which with the help of good Saint Wilfrid (also spelt Wilfred as in Wilfred Alvin Thomas) established the Holy Roman Catholic Church as the official form of Christianity practiced in Britain.

Besides the Bede creating the first effort at British history he also validated Denis the Short’s (Dionysius Exiguus in Latin) time system, that we use today. Anno Domini (latin for “In the year of our lord” or the number of years since Jesus was born) hence AD in our dating system – it has been 2014 years since Jesus was born, get it?.

(This is Denis the Short)

We counted time in reference to Jesus ever since, but some folks prefer to use the BCE or CE reference which stands for Common Era CE or Before Common Era BCE which is exactly the same thing without doffing their scientific hat to Jesus.

Now that brings us to the Vikings, the Scandinavians or Norsemen. Woden, Thor and Freija

That’s right once a week you remember them, Woden on Woden’s Day – Wednesday, Thor on Thor’s Day – Thursday and Freija on Freija’s Day – Friday. These are the principal Norse gods Woden, is head god like Zeus, Thor is Hercules or Horus and Freija is like Venus or Aphrodite. They brought their Gods and lust for gold and other stuff and pillage the Englandoniers/Anglo Saxons/Remaining Italians in Anglo Land – England. And added to the Gene Pool and boy did they get around. They went anyplace where they could find stuff that wasn’t nailed down

Fairy People+Celts+Italians+Germans+Norsemen and we are not done, yet. Now the French come – William the Conquerer 1066 AD and the Plantagenet Kings (Middle of the 12th Century) –

Now that’s Henry the Second, Eleanor of Acquaitane, Richard the Lionhearted and Prince John. That’s right Robin Hood.

OK, the bloodline starts to settle down. So we will leave it there, but you really got a lot of interesting genes dancing in you. I think it explains a lot about us, what do you think.